As all of you know, I am a single gal who has had her fair share of heartbreak. There have been three boys from my past that I have loved dearly. One broke my heart after the relationship ended, while we were attempting to be friends. The other two guys left abruptly, leaving me to figure out "what exactly just happened here."
And then last week, I experienced my first "I'll call you later," and then never did. That was lovely. (Although I have to say I would much rather that happen, then to have a guy break up with me after a year of dating.)
(Karianne, I promise I will bring this back round to Happiness, but you have to give me a bit of leeway.) ;)
A part of me wants to be all about some Jo Dee Messina lyrics.
Somebody's gonna give you a lesson in leavin'
Somebody's gonna give you back what you've been givin'
And I hope that I'm around
To watch 'em knock you down
It's like you to love 'em and leave 'em
Just like you loved me and left me
It's like you to do that sort of thing
Over and over again
You're a fool-hearted man
But it's not really my style. After all these were guys I loved, and I think deep down they were good guys--good guys who made stupid decisions. It's bad enough to be dumped without thinking I'm a bad judge of character on top of all of that.
Yet when my anger overtakes me, I start ranting to God. I want those boys to realize how stupid they were to have let something so good go without a fight. I want them to see that running away is not the solution and will haunt them in future relationships. I want them to beg me to come back only for me to reject THEM and kick them out.
Nice, huh? We all think it, I know. But honestly, the anger isn't healthy. It just encourages me to dwell on something that I need to move away from.
Ultimately I remind myself that God protected me and is protecting me. I desire for those guys to grow from their mistakes because even now, a part of me still loves them. Not in a boyfriend way, but in a brother-in-Christ way.
And... if my anger overtakes me...
I've decided to pray that they get a REALLY REALLY REEEEEEEEALLLY bad case of constipation. You know, the kind that has you bowed over in pain. I feel like that request is something that won't ruin their life and yet would cause them some good ole' natural pain. And perhaps it would give them some time to think about what they did. And how appropriate that they would experience that since they all would keep stuff bottled up inside them instead of talking to me about it.
I think God has the type of humor to do just that kind of thing.
Perfect justice, really. And it totally brings a smile to my face!